Archive for October, 2009

I am in the tool business.  Clients contact me with a variety of issues and by the end of our conversation, I have custom designed a couple of tools and exercises for them to practice using for the next couple of weeks.  I sometimes think that I would be a much happier human being if I consistently practiced what I encourage various clients to do. 

The following three exercises, I have been practicing regularly for the past few weeks, have contributed greatly to my overall mood and disposition.

      1.    Appreciation

As I am driving my car around town and come to a red light, I take the opportunity to spend a few moments reflecting upon what it is I am grateful for.  This accomplishes two purposes. First, several times during the day I am taking pause and becoming more present to what it is I am doing.  Second, I am practicing the fine art of appreciation. 

     2.    Identify precious moments  

While lying in bed getting ready to drift off to sleep I am recalling precious moments that had occurred during the day. 

     3.    Watch/Listen to something inspirational

Several times during the week before heading off to bed, I will watch a few YouTube videos (reruns of “Britain’s Got Talent,” “The X Factor,” etc. featuring talented people auditioning for the various shows). 

Not only do I love watching people perform, taking the risk to make their dreams come true and the courage to express their gifts in front of millions of viewers, I especially enjoy hearing the judges’ comments of acknowledgement and seeing the contestants’ gifts and talents be so appreciated. 

Take these three exercises daily with at least four glasses of water, physical activity that you enjoy, conversations with friends and family, and meaningful work and let the shrinks in the world learn to deal with a dwindling practice.

I don’t know about you, but I make up a bunch of stuff in my head to worry about that more often than not is totally unfounded.  If I call someone who had expressed interest in coaching services and they do not call back immediately, I make up in my head that what I have to offer is not that important to them right now. The problem occurs when I take the “head trash” I conjure up and then take action steps driven by these erroneous assumptions that I make up in my head.  The actions that I take end up producing the thing I feared. 

Now I know that I am not alone in this ridiculous endeavor.  Some of you who are reading this blog entry are making up stories in your head about the story I am telling you, “Wow this guy needs some serious help,” or “I am sure glad I don’t do those things.” 

So, here is the challenge.  As long as we have a tendency to make up stories let’s make up some really cool ones, “My potential client did not call back because she is attempting to clear her calendar so that she can have large amounts of uninterrupted time to commit to transforming her organization and using me as her coach and catalyst.”  You know what is really funny is that as I am writing this blog entry she sent me an email requesting a time to chat today. 

I do not recall reading a fairy tale to my children and ever believing that the fairy tale was true.  So why on earth would I, as a 59 year old man, continue believing the fairy tales I make up in my head on a daily basis.

Every year about this time there are forest fires in Southern California.  Each year it seems that the latest fire is the worst.  This year, more than 125 thousand acres have burned.  People are being asked to leave their homes and when asked what they are taking with them they reply, “Family photos, valuables and documents.” 

Last year, about this time, I did an experiment.  I sat in my car with a stop watch and gave myself five minutes to scurry through the house, imagining that the fires were looming in my neighborhood (which was not too farfetched at the time because every morning I wake up to a sky full of ash). Here is what I grabbed in five minutes:

1. Family pictures,
2. Some valuables (mother’s pearls, father’s watch and my own),
3. My I-Phone,
4. Some clothes,
5. Some cash,
6. A rug that my older son Michael purchased when we was stationed in Afghanistan, and
7. My computer CPU. 

My experiment revealed to me what I truly cherish in life.  Since that exercise, I find myself spending more time nurturing the relationships with the people I love and focusing on the precious moments rather than worrying about an uncertain future. 

This is a time of year in the face of incredible catastrophes all around me with people losing their lives, their homes, their neighborhoods, and their jobs, to remember to hold my loved ones a little closer and a little longer.  It’s a time to appreciate the clients that I do have rather than worrying about the one’s that I don’t; to appreciate my body the way it is rather than wishing I could lose another five pounds; to appreciate that I have the opportunity to play golf at a beautiful golf course instead of getting consumed by a faulty golf swing. 

Today I am reminded of one of my own quotations:  “The undisciplined mind, in the face of what is, focuses on what is not; the disciplined mind celebrates what is and the opportunities that await.”

The ice maker function of our refrigerator has been making a very odd sound lately.  It sounds like it is constipated.  No one in my family seems too concerned about it.  I keep hoping that one day I will wake up and it will stop making that stupid sound.  It hasn’t yet, in fact, I think it is getting worse and there is a part of me that is afraid to investigate further.  If I investigate, will I find out that it is broken, that it has caused a leak, that there is now water damage that has been undetected, and for how long?  How many “ice makers” do we have in our lives?  Those conditions we seem to tolerate in hopes that time will heal these wounds.  Yet the more time that passes without any intervention the worse it gets. 

OK, I get it.  I am going to take a closer look at the ice maker.  If I cannot fix it, I will call someone who has expertise in such matters to help me out.  I invite you, who are my clients, and other members of the Starquest community to join me on a campaign to fix the “ice makers” in our lives.  Those little things that seem to annoy (trigger) us that we have tolerated instead of addressing.

When we are hired by various organizations to provide coaching services one of our first endeavors is to help the leadership team establish a feedback rich environment. 

Recently my son and I went to see golf coach Roger Frederickson for a very unusual yet profoundly impactful golf lesson. Through his guidance, I discovered that each of my major swing flaws was related to a weakness in my biomechanical structure.  For example, my range-of-motion deficiencies cause me to create compensations in my golf swing that form bad habits.  To increase my range of motion, Roger taught me a 20-minute stretching routine that I have been doing religiously every day.  Besides building a better golf swing, the real benefit from the golf lesson has been to improve my posture and physical well being.  I went initially with the intention to get professional feedback for my golf swing.  I ended up receiving a gift that, if practiced, will benefit me in so many more ways, for the rest of my life whether I continue to play the game or not.

Armed with such a transformational experience, I decided to send copies of my recently written book Hidden Treasures: A Simple Process for Unwrapping Your Unique Inner Gift, to several friends for their review before pursuing its publication. The feedback that I got was once again totally unexpected.  The new pathway I had intended to take to develop an even more effective delivery system for the concepts we have pioneered may be even more impactful than simply a little book could deliver.  People who have heard me tell some of the stories found in the book were moved to tears when I told them, yet, when they read the same stories they felt as though the same impact was not there. 

This led me to explore information about other delivery media – webcasting, webinars, video etc.  During that pursuit I discovered fascinating articles about Multimedia learning and new research about how people learn.  None of which would have occurred had I not opened myself up for feedback.

During seminars we espouse that you really can’t trust self reporting.  We just do not see ourselves as others see us.  High achievers recognized that the more data points they have the faster they can calibrate.  Low achievers are very defensive about feedback.  So, here I am writing a book about helping people to discover and honor their unique gift and I receive unexpected gifts from those people in my life who are willing to be honest with me rather than telling me what they think I want to hear.  Honest feedback – what a gift.

I am a pretty loyal person, loyal to a fault.  Take my gardener, Abel, for example.  We live on a little more than half an acre in a suburb just outside of Los Angeles.  Since 1994 when we moved into this house, Abel has been our gardener.  He speaks very little English and I speak less Spanish, yet somehow through sheer intent and very intense hand gestures we manage to communicate.  Abel has a tremendous work ethic.  When he is on site with his crew they do a thorough job.  When the crew shows up without Abel they basically mow, blow and go.

During the down economy I look for opportunities for Abel to do extra work (there are always landscaping opportunities on our property).  If anything ever goes wrong like a broken valve or a tree limb falling on the house in a windstorm, I can call Abel and he responds pretty quickly. 

Some of the other “landscaping specialists” in our neighborhood are more innovative and take greater initiative to trim, plant, and fertilize without being told.  With Abel, I have to tell him, remind him, and mostly be there when he shows up to direct him.  However, he will always respond and does so with a caring spirit.

Through the years I have given Abel used tools, clothes, toys for his kids, and sports equipment.   He has never raised his price from $85 per month for weekly maintenance and always negotiates a fair price for hill clearance, tree trimming, etc. I am in town rarely, given my active business schedule, yet when I am home on Thursday mornings I look forward to seeing Abel.  I go out and work side by side with him pulling weeds, discussing what we should focus on next, fixing sprinklers (we have 150 sprinklers as part of our drip irrigation system), and transplanting various plants.

He is actually an inspiration to me; someone who demonstrates perseverance.  He always brings a caring spirit no matter what is going on in his life.  He works at a consistent pace no matter what.  He truly enjoys what it is that he does and takes pride in his work.  Our property always looks much better after he has been there.  He is not as creative as the other “landscape specialists” in the area.  Yet they have come and gone over the years and Abel has outlasted them all.   

What I have learned in my relationship with Abel is that once I discover someone’s Unique Gift, my job is to simply appreciate the gift of who they are without expecting them to be something different.  When I can let go of my expectations that they should be different than the way that they are, I can more effectively leverage their service and enjoy the relationship.  Abel will never be the “creative landscaper.”  I actually have become somewhat creative and Abel can be counted on to be responsive to my requests.  He is a caring soul with a commitment to serve.  He shows up with the same relaxed, can do attitude every week no matter what circumstances he is challenged with. I love the man that he is. I enjoy the man I am becoming thanks to having Abel in my life.